Everything moves in slow motion like the traffic on an 8PM Thursday night along the busy road of Libis. The cars pause for a few seconds then takes slow steps as if like a baby learning how to walk.
I stared through your car window. I can see you looking ahead as you can make the traffic move. Your hands are tired from driving so you massage them. I give you credit for that; it might be the reason why you don't touch me anymore. I try so hard not to speak. I might break the silence and just make it worse. My tears grab on to the railings of my eyes like prisoners whose silence is heaven. I want to reach out for your hand but my instincts pulls me not to. The other passengers of the cars outside might think we're a couple. That's a sin, right? I keep silent. Keeping my thoughts to myself; hiding my questions which if answered will only make this situation offensive.
"Is your door locked?" Yes. Thank you for reminding me.
I met him on one of those busy weekends during the holidays. It was cold outside but the heat of the crowd inside the bar made me sweat. He did not catch my eye. I was concentrating on someone else. Someone who also took notice. I know I'm not the kind of "chick" who turns heads everywhere I go so this guy across the table might be a catch.
He stood beside me. Filling that empty space in the bar reserved for that cute guy. His bald head annoyed me, his outfit insulted everyone around. But I later found out he was a good company. We talked for a good one hour.
The thickness of the crowd made him hold my hand. A few more bottles of beers for him and a couple of more smokes for me, I said I should be going. It was late and i have no ride home. He volunteered to bring me home. I was hesitant at first because i just met him and we were just going to take a cab. But he insisted, he said he has a car and he would gladly take me home.
My friends decided to sleep over so there were four of us in his car. His license plate was mysterious and so is he.
As soon as we arrived, I asked him to stay a while longer. The air around us was infectious. It made him come closer. Embrace was the center of security and kisses were means of warmth.
It's 3am.
I have to admit, his embrace, his kisses were not like any other I have encountered before. I was an alien in his territory. The goodbye was fast like that of a bullet falling from a missed shot.
I know what was next: endless text messages were flying through the airwaves and his was the sweetest ones.
I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.
I missed you.
"Hello?" So this is goodnight for now. I'll see you tomorrow.
Four years of being alone. This date must be new for you.
This Christmas will not be that cold after all.
Do you believe in signs? Because the matching color schemes of our outfit made butterflies inside me go crazy.
For the first time I was going to introduce a guy to my friends who seems worth all the effort. You made this night magical. You were great with my friends. Though the charades left us separated for the whole party, your eyes was a good company.
The few moments of embraces and sweet stolen kisses made all the noise of the party fade into whispers inside the hotel room.
If i only knew those moments will become a classic movie kept in boxes, I would have decided to say goodbye and never see you again. But you were my ecstasy. You were my pill who would have made me feel better instead you made me ill. You were my drug who takes me on one hell of a journey where you keep me coming back for more.
If i only knew this night, and all the other nights like these, will be forgotten i would condemn the blue skies and command the sun to never rise again.
Pardon me for not being God.
I could only make the sunrise my blanket, the blue skies my pillow, and sleep the morning away until sunsets whispers an alarm in my ears that tells me your sweetness is once more on the other end of the line.
- MJ - 2003 -
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